To The Man I want {A Love Letter From An Unwilling Author}

If I was your woman

And you were my man

You’d have my heart in the palm of your hand

If I was your lover

And we were more than just friends

We’d be the happiest idiots

There ever was

But

I push you away

Instead of pulling you close

I want to entangle you

like the way you engulfed me

Tell me…

How did I get here?

I never opened the door for anyone

What makes you so damn special?

Why did I throw caution to the wind

I dove in blind

I didn’t think this would happen

I didn’t think…

And now I sit all alone in my bedroom

Writing love letters to a man

Who will never read them

To a man who is unavailable to love me

A man who sought fun and instead received a heartsick woman

Who ran from all emotions

Who sprinted from “the L word”

And now…

I’m letting go

I’m giving up

Because the pain is new and raw

but the feelings are old and timeless

You opened me up

Made me acknowledge that there was more

I just wanted more with…

You.

7/25/15

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