Dereliction {I}

Where have you been?

Never mind

The truth always hurts

You can’t even lie to me anymore

(It never stops you though)

I see through everything you say

Why do you dare…

Hurt me so bad

Does it even matter to you anymore?

I ask myself why I care

But the answer is never clear

I can’t see pass this

I fall down and you’re nowhere

I call out

Why can’t I see

Everything with you is selfish

I never want to let this go

Though you hurt me

Though you lie

Look me in the eyes and have no remorse

But I still open my arms

My heart

Lean on your shoulder

But it’s a fable

Nothing about this is true

You say the right things

You get what you want

Then you’re a shadow

When success hits you’ll be in my corner

You’ll always say how you believed

And, bless my soul, I’ll wish it was true

I’ll have a little part of me silently happy

That you showed your face

But the smarter half of me will be hurt

You never were there for me

You were there for what I could do for you

What I meant to you…

I’m not sure

But it was not enough

It will never be enough

Because your love is untrue

And this I always knew

That you’d break my heart

Shatter it

Suck up all the pieces

Scatter it on the wind

Never the same again

Maybe you meant it

Maybe you didn’t

It doesn’t change the fact

That my tears lodge in my throat

I can’t catch my breath

I think about what you never gave me

About how much I just needed you

The things you did give

(Materialistically)

I never wanted

I just wanted you

(Time)

(Love)

(Understanding)

But that wasn’t what you…

You weren’t capable

To fill my needs

You don’t know me

You don’t understand why

It hurts to even think of you

You can’t comprehend why

I just don’t let go

This is..

was

is…

My whole life

You were half me

You made an imprint

There is a hole

But I have to move on

I have to put myself back together

Because you will never get

 

Me

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