When you looked in the mirror what did you see

Did you see someone who wasn’t loved

Were you all alone

How lonely were you growing up

That made you run to the first open arms you found

How lonely were you with three screaming kids

Three turned into five more

How lonely did you feel in your marriage

How many kids did you need to fill the void

How many did it take to heal your broken heart

Feeling of being unloved followed you

From birth to death

You never stood up for you

How lonely were you when you looked in the mirror

Did you not see the love you received

How lonely did you feel in a room full of people

Even with your last breath you gave all your love to others

When did you ever love you

When I look in the mirror I see you

I see some of the things you saw

But I also see the love

I don’t feel as lonely as you did

I have experienced the paternal abandonment

But I can’t let it shape me

Because of you I received more love

More than I could ever imagine

But what did it cost you

What did it cost you to only feel love from the miniature people that came from you

To only believe that they were the ones who would love you until death

To not see how much love was surrounding you until it was too late

How can I not grow up to be you

But grow up with your heart

Your heart beats within me

The extraordinary lengths  you went to

That is what I see in the mirror

The caring for others above me

But I don’t feel the loneliness set in

I am not you

And I am you

You gave so much unconditional love

To every stranger you could

How many times did that bite you in the ass

How many times have you been burned

And yet you wake up with this un-fillable depth of loneliness

You’d smile and kiss and hug your little monsters

You would do anything you could so we never felt the neglect

Of him

But you couldn’t shelter us from the truth

The toll that took on you

The burden you alone shouldered

The love he should’ve given

Dried up inside him a long time ago

He wasn’t who you thought he was

He may never be

Old dog new tricks

Never learn how to be the man that you wanted

The man we needed

That killed you inside

You gave your all

And he couldn’t meet you 5%

The black hole that was his heart

Matched the emptiness inside of you

You thought you could make him better

You thought he was broken enough to love you

Never realizing that you didn’t need broken

You just needed to believe in worth

In my head you live out your life

The one you were supposed to have

No doctors

No Chemo

No Lymphoma

Just all the love you deserve

So when you look in the mirror

You feel whole

You feel complete

You don’t die sad

You live happy

Never to cry over your loneliness

So when I look in the mirror

I see that  version

The woman you should’ve been able to become

The woman I became

The happiness that exudes from your life unwritten

Flows into my story being told