When you looked in the mirror what did you see
Did you see someone who wasn’t loved
Were you all alone
How lonely were you growing up
That made you run to the first open arms you found
How lonely were you with three screaming kids
Three turned into five more
How lonely did you feel in your marriage
How many kids did you need to fill the void
How many did it take to heal your broken heart
Feeling of being unloved followed you
From birth to death
You never stood up for you
How lonely were you when you looked in the mirror
Did you not see the love you received
How lonely did you feel in a room full of people
Even with your last breath you gave all your love to others
When did you ever love you
When I look in the mirror I see you
I see some of the things you saw
But I also see the love
I don’t feel as lonely as you did
I have experienced the paternal abandonment
But I can’t let it shape me
Because of you I received more love
More than I could ever imagine
But what did it cost you
What did it cost you to only feel love from the miniature people that came from you
To only believe that they were the ones who would love you until death
To not see how much love was surrounding you until it was too late
How can I not grow up to be you
But grow up with your heart
Your heart beats within me
The extraordinary lengths you went to
That is what I see in the mirror
The caring for others above me
But I don’t feel the loneliness set in
I am not you
And I am you
You gave so much unconditional love
To every stranger you could
How many times did that bite you in the ass
How many times have you been burned
And yet you wake up with this un-fillable depth of loneliness
You’d smile and kiss and hug your little monsters
You would do anything you could so we never felt the neglect
Of him
But you couldn’t shelter us from the truth
The toll that took on you
The burden you alone shouldered
The love he should’ve given
Dried up inside him a long time ago
He wasn’t who you thought he was
He may never be
Old dog new tricks
Never learn how to be the man that you wanted
The man we needed
That killed you inside
You gave your all
And he couldn’t meet you 5%
The black hole that was his heart
Matched the emptiness inside of you
You thought you could make him better
You thought he was broken enough to love you
Never realizing that you didn’t need broken
You just needed to believe in worth
In my head you live out your life
The one you were supposed to have
No doctors
No Chemo
No Lymphoma
Just all the love you deserve
So when you look in the mirror
You feel whole
You feel complete
You don’t die sad
You live happy
Never to cry over your loneliness
So when I look in the mirror
I see that version
The woman you should’ve been able to become
The woman I became
The happiness that exudes from your life unwritten
Flows into my story being told
