Dating 2017

High enough to remember
Not so quite intoxicatingly forgetful
Yet
Heavy heart
Full of love
That never goes anywhere
Shove it back down
Toss it to the side
Regurgitate the same old sentiments
It’s never enough for
Me
All I do is accept
Settling for
Less
Not quite what I deserve
No where near what I planned
Why you gotta hurt me that way
Frustrated with myself
Angry tears drowning out all
Hope
A new day brings new terror
What will I do in front of you
I see what you do to me
I can’t turn off my feelings
When I’m fresh out of fucks
What will you do then
Anger, sadness, frustration, and hurt
This all I have to show
Tell you I’m through
And I mean it in the
Moment
After moment I think about us
“Us” as if such a thing could be
Maybe another life another time
I tell myself you aren’t the one
You aren’t who I’m meant to have
But who is
Jaded cynicism colors my shaded view
Why can’t I open up
Open hearts get shot
Over and over by a cherub who swears he knows best
Men
Can mansplain air to you if you want to you Believe it
I believed that it was time
I believed in the lie
When I’m ready I’m alone
No one there to claim what’s theirs
Wrong attitude
Bad attention
All I receive is mixed messages
Straightened stories
Lies on top of blasphemy
What is love but a rose with thorns
My blood drips down the stem
Commingled with my tears of defeat
Why do I even try
One day is forever away
Today feels wasted on you
Regret is something I refuse to feel
All the ups and every down
My heart will still feel attached to the lesson
Learned of us
You will have a piece of me and I carry you
In the back of the filing cabinet of my hippocampus
How I miss something that never was
Is just the icing on the cake

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