Time for an early morning rant. It is currently 7:56 AM here in Texas and I am blasting empowering, sort of, music. It’s actually a break-up song but it’s one that’s not sad at all. No, I’m not going through a break-up but this song just made me think of all the bullshit relationships and pseudo-relationships I’ve had in the past. Then I started thinking of all the dumb questions older generations ask you when they see you’ve been single for awhile.
You’re so pretty why are you single?
Well, if I knew that Martha I could analyze the problem and fix it, but obviously I don’t.
So, you’re just not into relationships? That’s cool.
Is it cool Susan? Thanks for your approval.
This one is one that my grandmother personally said to me:
So, no boyfriend huh? Well, it’s okay if you don’t like guys.
Thanks grams but I’m not gay just not in a relationship.
It’s like everyone has their own idea of why you’re single except you. Sure you come up with reasons like “I’m working on me.” Which, I’m sorry, is bullshit. Sure getting to love yourself first is great, in fact it is imperative but unless you are your own nemesis it shouldn’t take five plus years to love yourself. Then again I don’t know your psychological background and I don’t judge.
Look, all I am saying is that the reason your not in a relationship isn’t just one thing. You could be like me and take turns from going on really horrid dates to giving up and just having fun. The fun is the only thing that keeps me from being bitter honestly. I can’t sit around and wallow because my friends don’t let me. But that’s not what this is. It isn’t a “woe is me” type of situation and that’s what my friends think every time it comes up in conversation. My couple friends give me sad eyes and I make an excuse and get up to refill my drink.
Friends mean well, but they always give you sad eyes when something is going well for them that isn’t going well for you.
At 26 I thought I’d have my life more together. As a child I dreamed of being with the man of my dreams and married with children because that is what little girls growing up in the patriarchy dreamt of. But now my life looks different. At 26 I’m single but I’m in grad school working on becoming a better writer. I moved to the hottest place where rain just makes it hotter, it sucks. Oh, and we get tropical storms and floods, I think I was on drugs when I moved to the gulf.
My life isn’t what I thought it would be and that’s okay. Life rarely goes the way you think you would. I try to take the twists and turns as a challenge and see life different each time something good or bad happens. So, I take this single thing as just a stop on the road. Maybe at the next rest stop he’ll be there waiting for me, maybe not. And that’s okay. It really took me a minute to be okay with that but I really can’t do anything to change it that I haven’t already tried.
For now I am going to focus on what I know to be absolute truths; the loves of my life.
Anything else is not important. Anything else derails me from my goal. I’m not worried, a little anxious maybe, about who is or isn’t waiting for me at the next rest stop. I can’t control when people enter or exit my life and letting go is just something I haven’t mastered yet, but I am on the way to passing that class with flying colors.